I'm not in Africa, anymore.

Well, I've been back for about 3 weeks.
It hasn't been rough, only weird, until today. One of the reasons I left Africa was for this job at LCU working with their distance learning program. For the past couple of weeks it has been kind of unclear if I would actually be able to work here or not. I had a meeting on Tuesday that made me feel better and I got excited about working there and we figured out salary and work hours but today I heard back saying it wasn't going to work out like we planned in the meeting.

I've sort of been discouraged through all of it, because now in order to work there I'd definitely have to go to school at LCU without any sort of tuition "benefit" and I would have to go full-time in order to qualify for any scholarships or financial aid.

So, in all of that today, I started to miss Africa a lot more than usual today. I miss the Jaffas, my team, my coordinators, Ibs, Nyasha, Sarah-Jane, Kuda and all of my family in PE.

I still have a lot to figure out; whether I'll go ahead and go to school this semester or to just look for another job and wait it out until January.

Just please pray for me as I'm getting adjusted here.
I'm trying to trust God's plan for me here and I know that He'll take care of me.

Love you guys.
Logan

So, I'm better...

On Sunday, I got to sit next to Leigh, the cutest little girl, which I always enjoy. Her mother passed shortly after we got here and left Leigh's dad, Eugene, alone with Leigh and Clio. These two kids are the cutest, sweetest kids you'd ever meet and they just love attention; I think Leigh is 4 and Clio might be 7 or 8.
Anyway, Leigh just loves to be held and given physical attention.
An African custom here is go greet people with a kiss on the lips, which no one really does with the guys and I've, I guess, managed to avoid except for Leigh. She comes up and greets me and then runs away for a while.
On Sunday evening, singing night, I was late to the assembly and when I came in I spotted Liz. I love singing with Liz because she sings alto and I love the way it sounds with tenor. I sat down and realized Leigh was sitting next to me.
She loves to play with my phone and my hands.
When I sat down and got settled (I've adopted the grandpa leg cross- the knee on knee and not the right angle ankle-on-knee position that I've used in the past- and then an arm or two across the back of the pew), she scooted in under my arm, grabbed my hand and kept on singing.
After we had been singing for a while and Clio had already fallen asleep on the floor, she put her head on her dad's lap and her feet up against me and just laid there and played with my hand. Liz kept looking over at the cuteness that was happening.
Eventually, she fell asleep, still holding my hand, and I realized that it was okay to leave. It's something that needs to happen, but I just need to drink in moments like these.
Last night we had a party at our house and I went outside to lay on the hammock and look at the stars. Port Elizabeth is beautiful.

I'm going to miss this place and these people and I don't want to leave, but I can't stay just to stay.

I found these on my phone and I thought I'd share them with you; they're from one of the times Leigh played with my phone.

Hmm...

Well, I'm sitting here in tears and I guess I wanted to post something, not really for you but for me.

Something for me to read later, maybe.

I've been here a year and as cliche as it is, it doesn't feel like it. Time has flown by and now I'm looking at the tail end of my time here, wondering what my impact has been, if anything at all.

Of course, what I'm thinking about most is saying goodbye to the people here. I'm thinking about Lloyd and Anthea and their kids (my family) and how I feel about them. I know I love them and I'd do anything for them, but I don't want them to leave without knowing that.
My parents came here last month and they met with all the people they knew twenty-five years ago and the relationships that they still have made me think about leaving here. It made me think about how I'll still think and pray about Lloyd and Anthea in 25 years and how they'll (hopefully) reciprocate that.

That's just something I've been struggling with.

Another is being the first on the team to leave. Am I doing something I'll regret? I'm going home to work and go to school and I don't have anything here that I see myself doing after July, but I still hate the idea of going home.

The boys got an apartment today.

I was fine until Michael Horn caught me on Google. I almost never cry until someone asks how I'm doing.
So that's where I am.

Please pray for me.
Today is Thursday, May 29th. I'm pretty inconsistent with updating this thing, so I might be better by the time you read this, but pray for me anyway.

My new project.

I started a new project and here it is.
I've had really good feedback from these and I'm really getting excited about this.
I've also been wanting to start a project on Islam for a while and I'm reading a book, Unveiling Islam, (can't find the underline) that explains so much about their beliefs and culture.















Anyway, let me know what you think.

Love you guys.

I'm alive.

I've been actively avoiding trying to update this thing for a couple of reasons. Although, I don't know how you can actively not do something.

But I've been feeling really useless on the field for various reasons, but mainly because of the work and the fact that I haven't really connected with it.
I decided to not do schools much anymore a while ago, but I never knew what I wanted to do instead. Johnathan and I are going to be working more with university kids and start up some small groups, hopefully, which sounds a lot more up my alley.

Anyway, I'm in America right now.

I surprised my mom and sister on Thursday morning, which was really cool. I got it on video and I'll try to remember to post it when I get back from Mexico. My flight was grueling; 4 flights- 2, 8.5, 17, and 1.5 hours, which made it the longest trip I've ever been on.

I think my visit here will be really nice to be recharged and refreshed and to get new ideas about what to do with the youth and university in Africa.
I'm sorry I haven't updated this thing very much; hopefully I'll do better when I get back into things.

I hope all is well,
Love you guys.
Logan